I am wondering what others would say to this. It's a big topic right now in my Love & Marriage group on Cafemom. I was inspired to write something about it from my own personal experience. As a moderator of the group I get to see everyone else experience's and get to relate, give advice and truly make a difference in peoples lives. That is what I truly think I was put on this earth to do.
There was a time where my relationship was not the best. We have had our ups and downs with the things we have been through. We have had a scary past 2 years with Austin that has challenged our marriage. There were times where I wanted to give up but knew that I loved my husband so much that I could never give up on that. He is my soul mate and I love him. There were times where we were screaming at each other out of anger and when we later realized how unhealthy it was for us we decided that we would be totally honest with each other.
Alex is the one person who knows me better than anyone else. I'm able to share with him things that sometimes spouses do not share with each other. Some things that are very personal and I may not share with anyone else. To be able to be that HONEST and OPEN with someone takes a lot of trust. So trust is one of the biggest things to a healthy relationship. Open communication, even when it's hard to be able to tell the person how you feel. If your husband or wife is doing something that might be a tad bit annoying or something that you dislike, just tell them. If you do not tell them, guess what? You will get angry at yourself or them and that all builds up. I am not saying that I'm a relationship advice person but through trial in error in my own marriage we have figured out what would work.
Take your time on things. This is not saying each task you can sit around and do nothing and at the last minute do it. Take your time when it comes to getting to know each other in a relationship. Whether this be a beginning or a relationship or a marriage. You learn so much about your spouse after you are a married. Things may not seem to change but they do, tremendously. You are not only thinking about yourself but the person that you are with. What use to be easy choices on your own may not be so easy any more.
Sacrifice when you can for another. Sometimes there are certain situations where you have to choose one way or another. Will we go to this family picnic or will we go to the zoo? Make sure that you do the things that are right for your family not only yourself. Sometimes being in a relationship you got to be a little selfless. You got to think not only about your partner but if you have kids them as well. I know we have sacrificed so many date nights because we would rather stay home with the kids or it just didn't pan out. Sometimes we are to tired to do anything and would rather watch a kids movie with our little ones than go out together.
My parents have always taught me that Family is #1. I would do anything for my family and give up anything that I can to help someone out in my family. Some people do not have these same values but I believe if do this you will always have someone behind you able to help you when you need it. You might fight of bicker with your partner but that should be behind closed doors. Or that's my opinion, you may have something else. Or if you are able to have a healthy discussion in front of your children that's fine as well. I'm not saying hide your adult conversations from your kids but if there is screaming than that is not good for children to see.
I know the one time that I did this I felt so guilty and hurt that my child had to see me this way. Maybe I'm overreacting but I don't think that I am. I think there are some things that should be kept behind closed doors. Make sure you have time for each other. That is big. I know there are times where we won't go on date nights but we will sit next to each other and enjoy a video game together or something. I love cuddling with my husband and just talking. Text messages and Facebook messages through the day helps out a lot as well.
Making sure you kiss each other good night and good morning helps a lot too.