April 18th 2010 - Normal Scope

So behind on posting so this is the first post of many coming from me on updates with us. April 18th we went into Nationwide Children's Hospital here in Columbus, Ohio to do a normal scope to make sure that everything else was OK with Austin so we can do his Nissen surgery probably here in June or July. When we went his oxygen level was 94% but not concerning levels and he had a tad bit of a temp. He was coughing a bit more than normal but they said that was fine and proceeded. We found nothing which was amazing. I waited in the waiting room, the doctor came out and said everything was fine and that I'd stay there for a while than go to the recovery room with Austin. 20 minutes later I got told where to go and waited for him in the room. 2 hours had passed and I hadn't heard anything. I was worried and in tears wonder what was going on with my sweet baby boy. He had been gone for more than I thought he would and I worried.

News came to me that they had been trying to take his breathing tube out but his oxygen levels were 85% when he came out of the scope and his fever had broke at 104.5! I was so upset I hadn't been told this before and had been waiting for my sweet baby. So I eventually got to come to see him and he was still on oxygen. We ended up staying at Children's for 5 whole days. Here are some pictures of him in the hospital.

This is Austin before his scope he was so tired by the time it was all done. He was kind of cranky because wasn't allowed to have food.

Here is my little boy on Oxygen. The first one is when he was in the PACU the second is when we went to the GI unit!

                                                 This is Friday when he got off oxygen!!

I want to protect my brother..

Some words I said just to make sure someone feels better. Or sometimes it's spoken because you truly mean what you say. I sometimes will talk to someone and kind of wonder if they are saying truly what they mean. If they make a promise to their child are they going to keep it? If they are saying they are sorry for your loss. Are they truly? 

Today I decided to take a shower when my husband wasn't around which is rare for me. Normally I make sure Alex is around just in case something was to happen. But today I just needed it to wake myself up after a long hard night so I did. Austin was fine and Justin was watching a show so they were well and entertained. After I got out of the shower it was so quiet, I went into our room and look into the pack and play and this is what I find.

I asked my 3  year old what he was doing in his brother's crib he simply said "I want to protect my brother," it left me utterly speechless. He doesn't even know what the true meaning of protection is. My little boy is the big brother to a child who might get picked on in the future. People won't understand a lot of things about Austin and I hope that Justin will be able to educate them. I hope that I can protect both my children from the evils that might be out there. But than my son decided to do something else that made me say 'Aww'

What a sweet moment I was able to capture with my 2 wonderful little boys. I love moment's like this and wanted to share them with my friend, family and the people who read it. I appreciate everything you guys do for me.

Introducing myself a bit better

My name is Amber Doreen Eckstein. I am formally known before marrying Alex as Amber Dent. I never thought I would change my name upon getting married. I was happy with my name no matter how boring it might of sounded together. I'm the daughter of Vince and Irene who taught me some really good lessons. Sometimes I did not listen to it.. Well let me not lie because I never did listen. I heard what they said but decided that it was best for me if I did opposite. I thought I knew better than my parents vast experience on this.

These are the people who made me the person I am today. I know that I'm a hard headed daughter most of the time and I didn't make things easy to say the least but glad that they are here for me. One thing I learned from my dad is how hard working you need to be to achieve what you want. If you do your best you can do anything you want to do with the right state of mind. He came from so little and has so much these days. Not just in objects but with a great family. My mother has taught me that even though we do not get along and clash heads that she is there for me no matter what. If it wasn't for them I don't know what I would do. They are my rocks and if anything went wrong I know that they would have my back. They are awesome parents.

This is my nanny who is so important to me. When I need to talk to someone and just vent about the day she is always there to lend a ear. I don't know what I would do without her. She is so strong and I hope one day that I can be as strong as her. When she lost my grandfather she was so awesome. Not only taking care of him till the minute he passed on from this earth but how strong she was through it all. I hope I can be the caregiver she was to my grandpa. 

This is my grandpa. He is my HERO. He is no longer in this earth but I hope that one day I will be able to see him again. I pray every day that I'm doing good so that he will be proud of me. He was the strongest man I have ever met and I feel like I'm forgetting some of the things he taught me. I know he is watching over me right now and if he seen me crying he'd tell me to stop. But he meant so much to me. I might of not understood what he meant or not listen but he was an amazing grandfather. He not only took care of me but my dad/uncles/aunt. He was the father that they had been lacking for so long. He saved them and my nanny. He does not know how much it means to me what he has done in my life. 

These are my boys. Alex has been my husband for almost 2 years now. We will celebrate 2 years of marriage on May 25th 2012. We've been together for 4.5 years and it's been a challenging past years but at the end we made it through it all. I'm so grateful for him. He has brought me 2 wonderful blessings. Justin who is 3 years old. He is so bright and such a handful at times. He is constantly picking up new things and he is so amazing. I've never seen such a smart little boy. He knows his ABCs, he knows how to put together complex sentences and he's currently learning about praying. He is excited about preschool in 2013, t ball this year and he is such a good big brother. Austin is 17 months old and is our special needs child. You will see me write so much about him and our trials through it all. This up coming weeks will be so busy! 

This is me, Amber Eckstein, and I am 26 years old. I was born in Norway, Maine and because my dad was in the United States Navy we traveled a lot for the first parts of my life. I have 1 brother who is currently serving in the Navy as well. I am so proud of Stephen for always knowing what he wanted from life. He's known this for so long and I envy this. I am not much of a cooker but when I do it's simple things. I wish I was an amazing cook like my parents, especially my mom. I like to play RPG games that are text based, read the book of mormon, and take care of kids. I take care of kids which is amazing because I always wanted to be a big part of it. I go to church through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Dublin, Ohio through the Worthington Ward. I'm recently converting to the religion and am excited about what god has in store for me. I am an MOD for Cafemom in the Raising Special Needs Kids, Babies Group, Love & Marriage and also Teaching Kids Healthy Habits. I'm an Community Outreach Manager through ColumbusOHMommies.com. I like to volunteer and do different walks/runs for good causes.

Test of Faith

We all get tested throughout our life by god. Whether it be just the small things or the bigger things. The things that may make you think 'why me?'. I've been through this several times especially when it comes to my youngest Austin who suffers from Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy, HIE, Lyringo Molasia, Tracia Molasia, and breathing issues. There is so much more but some of them are hard to list. Throughout his 17 months of being a live I have truly experienced tests of god. The lack of sleep, the choices we have to make daily and the news we receive. God chose us for some reason and I still sometimes wonder why he thought I was strong enough to be able to handle this child. This beautiful wonderful child. 

This little boy is the reason for everything I do every single day of my life. I know it sounds like it's only him I wake up for. Or I do not care about my other son. I do. Please do not think that I do not love my son Justin with all my heart. He is such a special little boy and so smart. He's to smart sometimes and always trying to do something. But Austin needs me more than anyone has ever needed me. He made me grow up more than I thought I would. I feel like an old woman sometimes. Each morning I wake up and think of what we got to do. There are things we can't do because Austin. How I would love to go sit in the sun for hours and just relax. But we can't because the heat gets to him. Or how I would love to go swim in the ocean with him. We can't do it because of the type of water could hurt his g tube. 

When I wake up I got to basically prepare myself for the worse of each day so if something was to happen than it's not that huge of a surprise. With him anything could happen and it's time to go to the hospital. I wouldn't ask for another life in a million years. When he smiles or he does something new or we figure out he can sit in a walker with barely any issue it's those days that I cherish more than anything. It might not be his first steps right now. He might behind a lot of my friends but at the end of the day those small moments people take for granted are the ones I live for. I live for this child to smile at me. The choice we make with his medical issues are the reason we were chosen. The things we've heard that put us on our knees praying to god to save our child. 

I remember when the doctor told me over the phone when we were visiting Austin in the NICU what was going on. They weren't 100% his diagnosis but 98% sure after the scans. I remember falling into my father's arms hearing this new. I had to tell the doctor to explain everything to my dad because I was so weak at that very moment. I felt like the world was ending but each and every day that I work with him I know it's only the beginning. Our job is to make him a happy baby. To keep him comfortable no matter how long he is on this earth. To love him more than anyone has loved anything in this world. To give him the time he deserves on this earth no matter how long that might be. 

I had a hard choice for the past 9+ months on a surgery that we've been hoping we never had to have to make him stop throwing up but ended up we are going to have it now. We got to go the 18th to get a scope done and than the 19th we take the surgeon about the surgery. So all in all we are going to do this. I pray every day that my little boy will be able to make it through another surgery. Another surgery that will make his life so much better at the end. He will be able to gain more weight and not be throwing up constantly. The doctors at children's hospital here in Columbus, Ohio are my best friends but my worst enemies. They've saved my son so many times but I feel like I'm so dependent on them. I do not want to be dependent on anyone but myself! 

But god knows that I am the mother for this child. The 3-4 hours of sleep at night. The constant people telling me this is how it's going to be. How my child will be. He won't walk, talk, crawl. But you know what? At the end of the day they might have a good education but they are not god. They are not the true guy I turn to when things are hard. Our lord is the one that I turn to more than anyone. He is the one person besides myself I can depend on. Because our Heavenly Father would not give us more than we could handle. He gave me this child because he loves me so much. He wanted me to know what true love was through my children. He wanted me to be able to take care of these kids and teach them that life is not what some may think it is but to think outside of the box when it comes to things. He gave Justin this amazing little brother to look at things differently. To be compassionate of others. To not allow people to look at you differently because you may be different than they. 

God placed Austin in our lives to open our eyes wide. Austin is the most precious baby that I have ever met. So sweet. So little. So fragile but so strong at the same time. He's my little super man. He is my prince charming. Justin and Austin have made me the mother I am today. I have learned so much from my parents throughout the years and so glad that they taught me so well because of them I am able to be here today as strong as I am.

Thank you for reading.

Jesus Take the Wheel

So give me one more chance. Save me from this road I'm on. Jesus, take the wheel. - Jesus Take the Wheel sung by Carrie Underwood.

I wish I had really understood what that meant years ago when I had truly lost my way. I wish I would of truly found god's way. But god tests us everyday and I think I needed to go through the things I had gone through to make me the person I am today. I have experienced so many things throughout the years I've been a live and some people may not know every thing that I've been through so you can judge me if you wish but I will not judge you. It's not my place. It's gods.

A long time ago I had fallen into drugs and alcohol it's times I am not proud of at all. I wish I had never been through those stages of sorrow and been through the pain that had caused me. But I experienced it. It's made me a tougher person. I have been in love exactly two times in my life. I am so glad that I was able to experience these feelings with two wonderful men and I got to marry the guy of my dreams. Love though can be very destructive and hurtful. If you want to harm the person or do anything in your power to get their attention no matter what the circumstances are that is not a good love. If you have to do everything in your power just in the chance you might get their love. An inch of time with them than it's wrong. I've experienced both bad love and good love.

I had loved someone so much I would of done anything for this guy. I had for years sought the attention from him no matter what the form of it was. Negative or positive. Mostly negative is what I received. We dragged each other on. Hurt each other. Made each other wildly jealous. Ran to each other when no buddy else was there for us. I hurt this person a lot and he hurt me so much as well. I wish it would of worked out for the best but at the end of the day god's plan wasn't meant for us to be together. We clashed to much or loved each other so much we didn't want to change our ways. So stubborn to see what was in front of us. Never wanting to change who we were. And some people change but others do not. Some people are so set in their ways that you can't teach an old dog new tricks as they say.

Now with the love that I have with my husband it's so pure. There are times where we have had issues just like any couple and we had separated when Austin was born to work on our relationship. We had been stubborn and wanted things a certain way but we had to compromise to be able to do what was best for our family. What was best for our boys was us working through it  all because we love each other so much that it hurts thinking of being away from one another. It hurts me to think if there would be a day that I could not spend with my husband. I do not care if we are broke. If we are homeless or whatever the circumstances. If we are together as a family that's what matters to us. I have never loved someone so much in my life. He has accepted me with my flaws and for who I am. He has done everything in his power to make the kids and I happy. And never asked for anything in return (even though he has received so much from us!)

He is the kind of guy who constantly is asking me if I need something. Or buying me reeses because he knows they are my favorite and I would eat them all day if I could. He is always working for his family. Even though I went to school and got my degree and haven't been able to use it yet. And he has been working. We find time for each other. If it's only for 5 minutes like it's been than that's fine with us. We enjoy the moments together. DO not get me wrong we still get mad at one another. We go on lack of sleep most nights and we are only human by all means. Even though he is not becoming mormon he is supportive of my wishes and want the kids to get involved too. I wish one day he will find that the word of Christ is true and that he will follow me to the church as well but until that time comes I will pray.

So Jesus take the wheel and show me what is next for our family. I know I have sinned in my life but I know that God is a forgiving Father and with your guidance I will truly find the way that is meant for me.

Figuring it all out

For 3 years I have gone to many of churches and prayed hard about what I was going to do about a religion. I knew how important it was to me. I was raised in a church and thought it was awesome to go every Sunday and the activities and families that came with church. I had fun but as an adult I knew my expectations were a lot more because I knew there was something that I was looking for. A truth about god. I didn't know what religion was going to be perfect for me but I was baptisted a baptist and raised in baptist churches. I only knew 2 things growing up in those churches.

If you are bad you go to hell
If you are good you go to heaven
THE END

What a boring existance that is. If you do not believe in god when you are on this earth that means you get to go hell and burn with the devil. You have no way of repenting. Because let's face it. If you say 2 minutes before you die 'Lord Forgive me' do you think that you will be truly forgiven. Or is that what we believe because we have been told that? If you murdered people and cared less for your whole sentence you were forgiven on your death bed.

I truly believe that we were in the spirit world with god and he decided that we knew all we could know so he wanted us like him to have skin. To live in a human body so he gives us to someone and we are born. Through our lives we are on a mission to remember what we had lost. To follow Jesus Christ and find him. To follow the word of Jesus Christ. And when we die we are the same person we were before if we know the word is true or not. You do get a second chance! When you are waiting to either go to Paradise or Prison you get one more chance to hear the word of God. You get to hear how awesome he is. You get to choose your fate!

Wouldn't you rather be in paradise. I can only imagine what paradise would look like. And than eventually you will be able to go to the Colestrial Kingdom. How wonderful would it be to reunited with God? How glorious would that be to be able to be in his arms again. To be with our heaven father. I do not believe that it's all clouds and sunshine. Harps with little angel babies flying around half naked. We shall see what it has in store with us. So follow me in my quest to learn more. Not only about myself, my family, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We will speak about everything going on in my family as well. So if you would like updates on us it's where you need to be.